Tuesday, 8 May, 2012

Hello, it's been a while since I last wrote on my blog.

As usual, whenever I had no other option to voice my upsets, unhappiness and emotional problems.
I would seek this little, very useful place on the world of internet that is my blog.

Okay. 9months into my NS life. Lots of fun time and hard time. That's aint the case.

The problem with my gf keep arising up now and then. It was okay after I enlist, we seldom quarrel, we would sweet talk, spend extra effort to make plans and meet up.

Soon, all of these will come to a stop. The workload of hers and mine tired us out.

Unit life is more tiring than what its seem to be and  not to mention duty on weekends and weekdays clashing what is it to be unreal shift work of hers?

Recently, upon seeing her tweets, I had an urge to ask her what is she referring to? But that was okay which I guess.

But, as her tweets got weirder and stranger which somehow really gotten my extra attention, I had to say I lost focus on work.

She tweet about she had been lying alot lately, I wonder on which part? The promising part of watching avengers together? Oh, she went to watch at a midnight show with her friend. That was until I call her on a day when she release for work. Then I know she watching it and she was guilty and said will watch again the following day.

So, the next day, was very excited and happy but only to reliase that soon a short whatsapp msg will appear and said not going, sorry. Thats was the third time of sorry I guess? How many disappointment will I receive.

I know I ever did stuff to disappoint her but I hope she not having the mentally that oh, apologizing can already. I thought to myself maybe its all karma to get me back.

But I still don't understand why she lied and what she lied? I had wild thought which I don't wish to speak of it. Hope she comes clean about what she really did. Earlier the better.

Sunday, 31 July, 2011

Tonight is the last night that I will be spending my free time in my room with my computer and slacking attitude.

Tml will be my enlistmenet day, felt excited and nervous about it. Just hope that everything will be fine in there.

And of course, I hope I can receive more sweet and motivation SMS from my gf, I hope she will be there for me always just like I am to her :)

After all she is my source of pillar..

Nights nigths world~

Friday, 30 July, 2011

A rare and hardly meet up between both of us.

I cherish it even though there is some cock up.

Whole night I been trying to start conversation, even though I know it's kind of boring. But at least I tried.

I even hint at her by sharing work stuff to me.

Because I know most of her time has given to work and some how from work she can tell me all her experience,
her challenges and etc.

She didnt want to or rather say she not interested.

SMS-es are important.

I don't have intention of coming home tonight, actually I wanted to have more time with her. But I have to understand she has to work tml.

So before I board the bus, I really tell her from the bottom of my heart that I will miss her and I love her.

Did she really get it or not is another matter.

One thing for sure, as the bus leaves the stop. I felt my eyes collecting tear drop but I held back my emotion.

I hope we can have more time the next time we meet up and we are able to share more things with each other, be it work, life, happy and unhappy stuff, right my soulmate? :')

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Never thought we would go into this stage whereby we will become stranger. It's quite amazing to me that we can talk everything under the sun and now we barely had topic about the sky.

I hate what we are now. Not knowing what's our direction and what we should do. We used to have telepathy, but now we are just two lost soul walking here and there without chemistry, out of sync, out of tune.

Somehow I would always thought of going down the aisle with her some day

, then day dream about having kids and living happily ever after. Maybe that's the thing I want out of this relationship.

Now, I don't even think what will happen the very next moment.

Was going to send her this , but still I did not.

My thought recently not long ago:

Dear,

Lately you have been hard to reach, is it because of work or is it because of me? But anyway, days without you around are hard to spend, it seems like I have too much time on hands and too little stuffs on hands to do. I finally understand the feeling of being left alone at home. And I really regret the times I took things for granted.

When I really needed the very someone, is far and unreachable, the feeling is unbearable. Maybe I am just getting my own deserts. But we know time won’t go back on its own.

There’s a lot of thing I miss doing together with you such as walking you to school/home, holding your hands, taking a stroll, cuddle each other and having someone beside you when you wake up from nap. These are just a few things I miss doing but there are still a lot of things we have not do together. Hoping I have a chance to do other more memorable things together. The very thing I want is we can sms each other and have fun in it. J

Right now the only thing I could do is slowly wait for your sms each day as the time passes by.

Recently I just started to learn origami of folding hearts, hope one day I can give it to you personally. And besides that, I browse through our old conversation from msn, I miss those days. During browsing, I feel disheartened to continue as there were parts of it are not really conversations but actually sentences from quarreling. L

Anyway I just want to end off this letter telling you I will always believe and respect what decision you made.

Tuesday, 28 June, 2011

Wow, its been nine month since I updated my blog. So I would like to take this quality free time to update on my blog and everyone our there that can access my blog. :)

Graduated on May 10, its was fun and probably the very last time I went to RP. My mum and second aunt went together with me together with YJ. Though she had some unhappiness due to she has no one coming with her. But baby, I will always be there <3

Speaking of her, we are now together for a year and one month. I am not sure whether we can continue this relationship. Because throughout this one year we have a lot of misunderstood and unhappiness. I felt guilty and helpless as I thought I would bring her happiness but never unhappiness.

Sigh..

Okay, anyway I left with one month plus till 1st August which is my enlistment day in Tekong :D

I somehow feel excited and nervous with a bit of worrying.

Excited - apart having listen to numerous of story from all my friends that had been through the BMT, I feel that I should really go experience the whole BMT thing, which some of us complain its tough while others enjoy the most in their two years of serving the NS. The other part that makes me excited is because I was from the uniform group, NPCC. I love having bunch of good friends that will go through thick and thin together and helping one another. Those are the experience and feeling that are priceless. Which can't be brought and thought elsewhere.

Nervous - of course I will be worrying about the people and the training. I hope the people/bunk mate I going to befriend with a bunch of caring and helpful guys, don't really wish to have some "trying to act funny" guys spoiling the BMT making Sir to keep "Tekan" us.

Worrying - of course its about relationship, while at this point of time, the most I can do is to be truthful to her and make her feel good and let nature take its course.

While got to end here..I will always be there for you.

Tuesday, 28 September, 2010

I don’t like what’s happened recently. L

Lately she’s been moody and I knew something happened and I just can’t get to know what had really happened. I asked and asked but she would keep saying nothing and nothing and more nothing. And when I really tried asking for the very last time she would say it’s too late to even ask. I don’t really know what I can do to make her speak up more. I comfort her and gave her time to open up to me by not giving her too much pressure but still nothing was explain by her.

At this point of time, I thought maybe it’s my fault that I upset her or something. So I apologize and mention that if I upset her or something then I would apologize. And she said something I realize that I should not have apologized is that I don’t even know what’s wrong and I said sorry.

About a week later, yesterday, I went out with my friends. I completely forgot to tell her that I was coming back home a bit later. Thus, she sent me SMS. So I reply I was still outside. She replied with “ It’s okay. If I don’t ask, you didn’t bother to tell. I don’t want to know anymore. You can go enjoy.”

I was upset and of course I replied sorry.

She replied “nah, I’m not. Used to getting sorry from you, wasn’t the first time also. Even without knowing what happen, I also can get from you cool uh”

That’s okay, I mention in my next SMS why I said sorry and etc. Next is a few MIA from her and in between there’s few SMS from me to her.

During midnight, she sent a Facebook message to me around 1.22am by that time I have already fall asleep.

The content:

Thought it through, think it's time to voice out. You think it's bad luck, but I don't think so. Does it apply to this? I'm unsure, if it's not then I've mistaken. Sorry. Many of times, you makes me feel that you couldn't even bother or pretended nothing happen. I didn't tell until now because I doesn't want to have argument and hopping to keep a "good" relationship. Maybe I shouldn't care too much or maybe I've thought too much. So much of sorry you given me, but that wasn't what I need. What's the point saying sorry and repeating it? I wondered. Time indeed changes people, isn't it? So much different I get at first and now. Sorry if I've mistaken you and hope I'm not putting any pressure on you. P/s: I love you.

Wednesday, 28th July, 2010

Freely Chosen Module.

As I walk, I seek for an answer.

Vex about how the thing is going through, woke up early in the morning.

Either we choose different module or we choose the same.

Knowing that she will have alot of fun, I will not stop her.

Just too worry for her.

Have to know what is good for both of us in the end.

Else end up in a difficult postition.